Meanest thing you’ve done to a telemarketer

Seriously, who doesn’t hate getting these calls? “Can I speak with the person in charge of your advertising?”  “Can I speak with the owner or manager of your business?”  It just takes up time and I’ve tried being nice, no really I have.  I try saying “no thank you” or “I’m not interested.” It just doesn’t work.  I’ve tried reasoning with them “We simply don’t do much business through the yellow pages”.  “Ma’am, it says here you generated X number of calls from the yellow pages.”  “Well sir, in this digital age I just don’t think that’s the place to put our advertising dollars.”  This would be on a good day.

Here are some doozies I’ve done in the past.  I once told the guy posing to work for Xerox claiming I needed to order toner or the price would go up that he should be ashamed of himself.  I’ve said the same thing to the people who ask to speak with the person in charge of our AT&T account who doesn’t really work for AT&T.  I’ve made that horrid sound from…I think it was The Ring, into the phone.

Lately I’ve taken to just setting the phone down on my desk and going on about my business.  I just think it’s rude to simply hang up, I know to feel that these tactics are better just shows my unique level of crazy.  Sometimes I will hear the sales person drone on for several minutes before hearing “are you there?”

I do get that these people are simply doing their job, and that they really don’t deserve to take the brunt of my suppressed aggression, but it is just such an intrusion to my day.

What crazy things have you done when cold-called by a telemarketer?

Photo courtesy of: bcgi.org
Brought to you by: Mills Properties 

About Melissa Jensen

Melissa is a native of the Greater St. Louis region. She is addicted to anything Google, and cannot understand why motion activated paper towel dispensers never see her hands.

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  • Jennifer Timpe

    I am so thankful I don’t get these calls often anymore – at home on my personal phone anyway. I do get them at work, and I just (thankfully) say, oh I’m sorry, the manager isn’t here right now. Goodbye. *click*

    • Melissa Jensen

      See, I have this guilt thing about hanging up on someone.  I need to figure out where that comes from.

  • James

    Best line I’ve ever heard to give telemarketers from phony companies who ask for the person in charge of the account (AT&T, Xerox, etc) “That was Bill but he had a heart attack at the office yesterday and I’m not sure who’s going to make the decisions on that account moving forward”, then if they press any further or give their condolences reply with ”Thank you for your condolences, I was sitting next to him and he was just opening the mail, apparently he opened a $5K invoice from a telemarketer who sold us phony toner, he had a heart attack and died right there next to me, well thanks for calling” then hang up.

    • Melissa Jensen

      I’m cracking up,  I saw a video on wimp.com where they pretended to be 911.  That was pretty good.

  • Jimmy Aring

    Hi Melissa

    You’re too nice a person—not wanting to hang up on a caller,
    even a telemarketer.

    I used to be that way, feeling frustrated, annoyed but not
    showing it and as a result had a lot of my time-poor
    evenings spoilt.  Whereas if you read
    telemarketers blogs (I have an ex-telemarketer as a friend) you’ll find that
    they are okay with being told ‘I’m not interested, no thanks,’ and then hanging
    up. It means that they know you’re adamant about what you want, and they are
    not wasting their time trying to convince you otherwise.

    The turning point came the day that a telemarketer hung up
    on me, abruptly. I was polite and patient, as usual, (despite feeling
    otherwise) but highly offended with their rudeness.  That clanging hang up dunked the Mr Nice-Guy
    out of me.  

    Hanging up feels offensive at first; then quickly evolves
    into bitter-sweet, rude/empowering, until you eventually find yourself being clinical
    and that feels healthy.

    The craziest and one of the most rewarding responses I use
    is to respond to all their statements/questions with yes from multiple languages.  I have a list of 20 ready near the phone.

    I start the call with the usual ‘Hello, Jimmy here.’ As soon
    as I recognise that it’s a telepest I
    qualify my verbal competence with ‘English yah [yes],’ and then move on to my multilingual
    yes responses with anything and
    everything but English.  Hence I sound
    crazy.

    They inevitably hang up, after much discombobulation on
    their part.  It’s a hoot.

    I have other advice and pranks on a blog dedicated to pranking cold callers. http://prankingtelemarketers87ways.wordpress.com

    Keep up the good fight,

    Cheers Jimmy